Recently I read and commented on a post on an American Uchi Deshi's blog about 'Just show up'. Its strange how the kama of meditating on these things have an effect on you soon after.
After commenting on that post I developed a kidney infection a few days later. Now I find its my turn to ponder 'Do I show up?'. I will be honest, I hurt too much to train (obviously), its to be expected. But at the same time, its the last Aiki session we will have as a club for two weeks due to Easter, so...do I show up even if its just to watch or cry off? How can you practice safe Aikido if you can't breakfall?
I decide to phone and speak to my instructor. I explained the problem, I wanted to train but couldn't, could I still come? It turns out it wasn't a problem, we could do a session based on movement and I didn't have to breakfall. Yay!
So, I showed up. I decided to work with a lower grade and did some work on basic movement without ukemi. And I have to say, although I had been in a lot of pain all week, I didn't feel any pain during the session at all-in fact, I felt better for turning up rather than moping at home...strange really.
Sunday, 9 March 2008
Sunday, 2 March 2008
Chapter 31: I have a late New Year resolution...I really have to stop doubting myself about my Aikido
I didn't make any New Year resolutions this year, because I didn't have any really. I have decided (rather late in the year) to make one. I have decided to will really try to quell the little voice in my head that appears at every Aiki session when we try something big, you know, the one that says 'why are you here? you're waaayyy out of your depth! you can't do this, who are you kidding?
I decided this after an Aiki course this weekend. There was an afternoon course this weekend about competition in Aikido with a grading afterwards so me and two others from the club decide to go down. It was quite good really, we got to meet up with a few other people that we knew from other clubs and got to have a go at some Aiki-jujitsu. I managed to learn a really cool choke hold that a 16-17 stone guy couldn't get out of! Hee Hee! I can't wait to try the 'floor wrestling', I have a few takedowns now in my arsenal, so hopefully I won't get squashed this time!
Afterwards came the grading and we decided to watch since there were some high Dan grades grading. It was quite a privilege and really cool to watch as you can imagine.
I decided to make my resolution about no more self-doubt after watching two blue belts (who were going to grade up to brown)go through their Kata at the beginning and I have to say, they were good, very good. I suddenly realised that the little voice popped up again, you know...the one that makes you feel very inadequate about your own abilities. It was then that I realised that if I was to succeed any further in Aikido...then I would have to start leaving my self-doubt at the door of the dojo. So, no more letting the little voice in my subconscious mind becoming part of my conscious mind...It really is a self-esteem killer.
I decided this after an Aiki course this weekend. There was an afternoon course this weekend about competition in Aikido with a grading afterwards so me and two others from the club decide to go down. It was quite good really, we got to meet up with a few other people that we knew from other clubs and got to have a go at some Aiki-jujitsu. I managed to learn a really cool choke hold that a 16-17 stone guy couldn't get out of! Hee Hee! I can't wait to try the 'floor wrestling', I have a few takedowns now in my arsenal, so hopefully I won't get squashed this time!
Afterwards came the grading and we decided to watch since there were some high Dan grades grading. It was quite a privilege and really cool to watch as you can imagine.
I decided to make my resolution about no more self-doubt after watching two blue belts (who were going to grade up to brown)go through their Kata at the beginning and I have to say, they were good, very good. I suddenly realised that the little voice popped up again, you know...the one that makes you feel very inadequate about your own abilities. It was then that I realised that if I was to succeed any further in Aikido...then I would have to start leaving my self-doubt at the door of the dojo. So, no more letting the little voice in my subconscious mind becoming part of my conscious mind...It really is a self-esteem killer.
Sunday, 10 February 2008
Chapter 30: Help!...I want my white belt back!
I'm not kidding...I really do want my white belt back! I realised that green belt would be extremely tough, I just didn't twig that the training steps up AFTER Christmas.
The last session started off well. We lined up me, a Dan grade, blue belt and a yellow belt ( all guys apart from me) and we got told run up and down the mat until told to stop. Okay, thinks I, pace myself as I'm with three guys here, should be fine. Then we were told to go faster! Faster? I can't go any faster! But okay, body don't fail me now! Then finally, after what seemed like 100 laps of the mat...we were told to do five more laps (each one faster than the last) and THEN we could stop.
We then stretched off, which wasn't too bad as the preparations for a dance show I was doing were going well, so I wasn't too stiff. Next were 10 sit ups. This wasn't too bad for some reason...but maybe it was because I was ignoring my skeletal muscle system begining to scream at me.
So warm-up finished and we paired off to work on grasps. Okay, scratch that, it was more like, hey, you've done these before, figure them out. But I've slept since then! I wanted to cry. But alright I'll do as I'm told.
Just when I was nicely tired, you know, not too tired but had a reasonable workout...we were told to pair off and do some what I call 'floor wrestling'. This involves kneeling either face to face or back to back and trying to pin the other person on the floor. (no hair pulling, kicking, punching or biting allowed).
Now, when there are only two women in a class of four men...testosterone takes over BIG style (no offence, but floor wrestling does get a bit competitive). As the other female student can't kneel for too long due to a knee injury...that left me to the mercy of three guys. I say mercy as I'm not too good at floor wrestling, and usually end up getting squashed! But in a strange way...I really enjoy it (apart from the friction burns from the Gi of course). Its good clean fun...but I can imagine the conversation at work on Monday morning. So, what did you get up to at the weekend? Me? I was wrestling with guys....Queue strange looks and the usual following question, Why do you enjoy Aikido again? Hmmm....maybe because I can't get this much fun elsewhere and keep fit without too much embrassment?
The last session started off well. We lined up me, a Dan grade, blue belt and a yellow belt ( all guys apart from me) and we got told run up and down the mat until told to stop. Okay, thinks I, pace myself as I'm with three guys here, should be fine. Then we were told to go faster! Faster? I can't go any faster! But okay, body don't fail me now! Then finally, after what seemed like 100 laps of the mat...we were told to do five more laps (each one faster than the last) and THEN we could stop.
We then stretched off, which wasn't too bad as the preparations for a dance show I was doing were going well, so I wasn't too stiff. Next were 10 sit ups. This wasn't too bad for some reason...but maybe it was because I was ignoring my skeletal muscle system begining to scream at me.
So warm-up finished and we paired off to work on grasps. Okay, scratch that, it was more like, hey, you've done these before, figure them out. But I've slept since then! I wanted to cry. But alright I'll do as I'm told.
Just when I was nicely tired, you know, not too tired but had a reasonable workout...we were told to pair off and do some what I call 'floor wrestling'. This involves kneeling either face to face or back to back and trying to pin the other person on the floor. (no hair pulling, kicking, punching or biting allowed).
Now, when there are only two women in a class of four men...testosterone takes over BIG style (no offence, but floor wrestling does get a bit competitive). As the other female student can't kneel for too long due to a knee injury...that left me to the mercy of three guys. I say mercy as I'm not too good at floor wrestling, and usually end up getting squashed! But in a strange way...I really enjoy it (apart from the friction burns from the Gi of course). Its good clean fun...but I can imagine the conversation at work on Monday morning. So, what did you get up to at the weekend? Me? I was wrestling with guys....Queue strange looks and the usual following question, Why do you enjoy Aikido again? Hmmm....maybe because I can't get this much fun elsewhere and keep fit without too much embrassment?
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