As a club, the time has come for our next grading. It has been six months since I last graded, and it really doesn't seem like five minutes since I got my orange belt. You would have thought by now that I was used to gradings, after all, I have passed three in the past 21 months. But the next belt I've come to realise is much darker and harder...getting my green belt. The truth be told, I really am not ready.
Okay, I know I go through this phase every time there is a grading, but this time the next belt up is the start of the senior grades, yep thats right, not junior, senior. So you're expected to know alot more stuff, especially the big breakfalls. The truth is, I don't! I STILL cannot roll exactly right nor do the sumi breakfall completely right (though I am working on it) To be frank, this next stage really really scares me! I mean, after green there is only two belts to black and that is a scary thought that one day, me-yes me could be a Dan grade.
So, rather than try and beat myself up (I can do that at the grading-just pick a Dan grade as a grading partner) I've come to reflect on my own little aiki journey so far.
21 months ago, I stepped into a dojo for the first time and was quite literally petrified. One first Kyu who I train with can't believe it took nearly three sessions before I would really speak to anyone- sorry guys, but Dan grades and higher grades in Gis whilst you're stood next to them dressed in street clothes are very scary the first time you meet face to face. From there, I overcame my fear over backward breakfalls, although I still haven't broken though the fear of forward rolls as yet, but I will do so...eventually, in like 20 years time.
I've passed three gradings white, yellow and orange-though I really didn't think I was ready. Perhaps because physical sports have never been my 'thing'. In fact, I took home one school report when I was about 15 and my parents laughed at the PE grade. At my school we were given a grade (A-F) and an 'effort' grade (1-5, with 1 being excellent, 5 being very poor). I got As and Bs for most subjects apart from PE, where I got an E. My effort grade was a 1. Yes, a 1. So in other words, sorry you really are the pits at PE but can't fault you for trying- at least thats how my parents interpreted it.
Anyway, although I can't do some things in Aikido yet- I guess I've come far, especially from the terrifed student at my first few sessions...to taking myself to summer school and doing it by myself for three whole days. So, if you like, I've gone from someone rather gwaky to someone whose a fighter. I suppose what's left now is a leap of faith on that grading date...
